Claims

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: The Operational Manager Position

Sent: Wed 01/18/12 8:32 AM

It’s with great enthusiasm that I announce Mark Fields will be taking over as Operational Manager for all new accounts in the Claim’s Department. With a heavy heart we say farewell to Saul Minnows, who will be retiring at the end of the week. Mark will be moving out of his desk cubicle and into the Operational Manager’s office on Monday. Mark will also receive Saul’s parking place next to the rear exit, in the Barber Street garage.

Effective Monday, all new claim paperwork should be forwarded to Mark’s email. Please take the time to stop by Mark’s desk and wish him luck.

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Celebrate the New Year and the new Operational Manager

Sent: Fri 1/20/12 3:38 PM

Hello to the all the shiny happy faces of Anchor Group. I know it is last minute, but since we missed getting together for a New Year’s party, let’s gather at my condo this weekend to have a cookout at the community grill and celebrate Mark’s promotion and the new year. I know it’s cold but if we fire up a grill and think warm thoughts, we’ll be okay.

Party hearty,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

 

From: Mark Fields

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Parking Space

Sent: Mon 01/30/12 9:02 AM

It was my understanding that a RESERVED PARKING SPACE is part of the perks included in my promotion. I’ve worked with the Anchor Group for the last twenty-two years. I believe in the rewards that come along with hard work and seniority. Anchor has gotten a bad rap of having a revolving door for young Turks, stepping on others in an attempt to make a name for themselves. I adhere to the principles of loyalty and personal space.  These principles should be respected. So PLEASE respect my parking space and stop using it.

Oh, and thanks to Crystal and Ted for showing up at Kimi’s weekend celebration.

Sincerely,

Mark Fields

Mark Fields

Operational Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Employee Parking

Sent: Fri 02/03/12 12:08 PM

Darla and I recently had a conversation about respect. It has come to both of our attentions that not all of our employees are respecting the Reserved Parking Spaces of our upper managers. These parking spaces have been hard earned and should be seen as the property of their owners. These aren’t just another vacant space close to the building. A productive workplace must have a foundation of respect and trust. I trust, I can depend on your best judgment in this matter.

Also, we should not go into the company break-room and eat someone else’s lunch out of the refrigerator. Even leftovers are someone’s personal property. Let’s show some deference for people’s parking spaces as well as lunches. Thank you for your consideration and as always feel free to call my extension with any questions concerning this policy. 

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Mark Fields

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: RESERVED!

Sent: Mon 02/06/12 9:02 AM

Okay, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I don’t know what the disconnect is? I have to walk from blocks away, when I have a PERSONAL PARKING SPACE!!! Every day, there’s a new car in my spot. I know whose cars they are and something must be done or I’ll be forced to act!

Darla, a word document is attached with makes, models and plate numbers of the offending vehicles.  

Sincerely,

Mark Fields

Mark Fields

Operational Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Sad

Sent: Tues 02/07/12 4:08 PM

I’m sure Darla would agree when I say that all these practical jokes must stop. All these sticky notes left on everything with “RESERVED” written on them are getting ridiculous. They’re only going to garner irritated responses, and this angry atmosphere is going to drag our community into an unhealthy place. Let’s turn these sad faces into happy faces – Happy to have each other for support. 

Wishful thinking and happy faces,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Inappropriate Behavior

Sent: Fri 02/10/12 1:08 PM

I’ve seen several issues arise in the past few weeks that have me concerned. It seems our parking lot has become a battle zone. We cannot, under any circumstance, barricade parking spaces with trashcans or orange cones or homemade sawhorses. Nor should we deface these objects by writing lewd comments on them. Either way, they just become eyesores, and eyesores won’t be tolerated here at Anchor Group.

There has also been speculation that an employee is publicly urinating in the parking area. If this offense is confirmed, the said employee will not only be terminated but also prosecuted to the full extent of the law. We’re not animals here at Anchor. We’re professionals and as professionals, we’ll stay firm to the rules and regulations of Anchor, as well as human decency.

Also, can we please keep our hands to ourselves when it comes to the public refrigerator in the break-room?

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Mark Fields

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: S.T.F.O.O.M.S.A.

Sent: Fri 02/10/12 8:11PM

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY SPACE ASSHOLES!

Sincerely,

Mark Fields

Mark Fields

Operational Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Employees on Premises while Off- Duty

Sent: Mon 02/13/12 10:08 AM

The parking lot has once again come to our attention. This time it’s in regards to employees not following the policy about being on premises while off-duty. Our employee handbook clearly states under Chapter 2: Section 4: “Once an employee has completed their scheduled shift and responsibilities for the day, they are expected to leave the premise.” This is a necessary requirement to meet insurance standards and to ensure an orderly border between an employee’s job and their personal life. I don’t know how else to say it – No one should be caught sleeping in his or her car in the parking lot. No one should leave their car in a parking space all the time and take a cab to and from work. Placing nails in parking spaces will not be tolerated. No more giving foul finger gestures to visitors who have parked in a reserved space by accident. No more joke sticky notes concerning parking spaces. It appears the parking lot situation has become a running joke amongst you, but this is not a laughing matter. So, if you’ve participated in this ongoing debacle, the fun is over. REPEAT, IT IS OVER!

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: C’mon guys

Sent: Mon 02/13/12 11:01 AM

Can we all please meet in the conference room and work this out as adults. I mean c’mon guys. To quote Abe Lincoln, “We’re broken and we need to come together, right now.”

We can fix this,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Job Opportunity

Sent: Wed 02/15/12 9:11 AM

As we all know, Mark Fields is no longer with Anchor Group. This is an unfortunate event, and it leaves us with a large void in the Claim’s Department. We’re currently seeking applicants, but as always, we like to promote from within.

Anyone who believes he or she is qualified and prepared for the pressure of the job, please feel free to fill out an interoffice application and direct it to Darla Dontfretto in Human Resources. The job qualifications are listed on our website and as always do not hesitate to call my extension with any questions you may have.

Postscript: The parking lot situation should be resolved.

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Trespassing

Sent: Mon 02/20/12 11:44 AM

I’ve been alerted by our security that there was a sighting of an ex-employee on the premise this weekend. This is against company policy. Once an employee is terminated, that employee is considered trespassing if he or she returns to company grounds without permission from management. Thank goodness he didn’t gain access to the building but he was spotted in the parking garage. If this ex-employee is found on the premises, he will be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Darla has just informed me by phone that I can come out and say it – If anyone sees Mark Fields on or around the parking lot, security should be notified immediately. No Exceptions! No one should taunt Mr. Fields or confront him in any way. He may act unreasonably, and irritating him will only make matters worse. Let the authorities handle this. I thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. As always, please feel free to call my extension with any questions you may have.

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: So sad

Sent: Mon 02/20/12 11:48 AM

This is incredibly depressing.

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Andrew Leone and the break-room

Sent: Fri 03/09/12 1:48 PM

It’s taken a while to fill the position, but finally we say congratulations to Andrew Leone. He has been promoted from Claims Process Supervisor to Operational Manager of New Claims. Andrew has worked hard for this position and deserves the kudos. He’ll now occupy the vacant corner office but parking is now first-come, first-served. So stop by and give Andy a pat on the back as he moves from downstairs into his new office. His promotion is effective immediately, so please forward all new claims to his email as soon as you receive them.

On a sidenote, you all know how I feel about a person’s lunch. If you don’t, let me reiterate – A person’s lunch is sacred. Under no circumstances, should anyone ever eat from another person’s lunch. I’m once again concerned about our morals as a company when employees start touching other’s food. The break-room refrigerator isn’t a community trough or an endless source of free food. Call my extensions with questions.

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Congratulations Andrew Leone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sent: Fri 03/09/12 3:33 PM

Yeah! You go Andrew! What do ya’ll say about getting together at the Dunkin’ Donkey for donut happy hour this Saturday? Everyone’s invited!

Let’s ring in Andrew’s promotion the right way,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Urgent

Sent: Thurs 03/29/12 9:58 AM

As most of you already know, Andy Leone is missing. He hasn’t been at work for a week and we have failed to contact him either by phone, email, social media or in person. As we all know, the job transition has been hard on Andrew. He lives alone and we do not have any emergency contact information in his file. Our concern has grown to fear, and this morning, we notified the authorities. They have filed a “Missing Persons Report.”

If Andrew Leone contacts anyone or if anyone contacts you concerning Mr. Leone, please let me or Darla know immediately. Do not take matters into your own hands!  Please keep Andy in your thoughts and prayers. If anyone is in need of grief counseling, please call Darla’s extension. For all other questions, don’t hesitate to call my extension. 

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: RE: Urgent

Sent: Thurs 03/29/12 10:15 AM

Oh no! I’ll be on the lookout. I knew something was wrong when Andy didn’t make it to Dunkin’ Donkey last weekend after he rescheduled his promotion party. 

Concerned,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: Assailant apprehended

Sent: Tues 04/03/12 8:58 AM

For those of you who may be aware of Mark Fields and the situation surrounding him, I’m pleased to inform you all that Mr. Fields has been apprehended for the lewd and lascivious acts that have occurred in our parking lot over the past few weekends.

He’s also being held for questioning in the disappearance of Andrew Leone. Mr. Fields has a dubious history here at Anchor, and his past actions should show us that he’s capable of anything. It shouldn’t surprise us that he would go after the man who replaced him. I just hope the truth will soon be revealed and justice will be served. 

Sincerely,

Frank Wietzel

Frank Wietzel

Department Manager

Anchor Group

 

From: Kimi Sanders

CC: Darla Dontfretto (Human Resources)

To: Anchor Group

Subject: RE: Assailant apprehended

Sent: Tues 04/03/12 9:22 AM

Good riddance to the criminal, Mark Fields! I hope they waterboard him and find out where poor Andy is. 

Still concerned to tears,

Kimi

Kimberly Sanders

Claims Coordinator

Anchor Group

 

From: Frank Wietzel  

CC:

To: Anchor Group

Subject: The end of all this gossipy crap

Sent: Fri 04/06/12 5:08 PM

This email is to end the gossip and false claims. Our office is in a fog. It’s time to get back to work. Let’s dispel the rumors, right here and right now. Mark Fields was arrested for trespassing and defecating in public. He was also questioned in the disappearance of Andrew Leone. But he was released on bail and not charged in the Andrew Leone case. Mark was served with a restraining order, restricting him from coming within a hundred yards of Anchor Group. This is, at best description, a lean punishment for a man who takes a shit in public. But that’s my opinion. As for Andrew Leone, there’s no missing persons case because he’s not missing. Today, he was separated from Anchor Group for job abandonment. He was hospitalized two weeks ago for salmonella poisoning, commonly caused by eating spoiled chicken. (This illness was possibly caused by a fine curry chicken that was intentionally left in the break-room fridge for a few days too long.) Andrew’s significant other, James, called Darla Dontfretto in Human Resources this morning to tell her that Andrew had a change of heart and found a job he feels is more suitable to his disposition…More power to him. I guess we should wish him the best.

Once again, the position of Operational Manager is available. Apply if you want, but it’s doubtful that we’ll promote from within. We’re taking a lot of outside applications and our fingers are crossed for new blood.  

If you have questions or comments concerning all this info, call me and leave a message. I may call back if I feel it’s warranted. And Kimi, I swear to everything holy if you reply to this email with some trite bullshit, I will walk down the hall and strangle you with your stupid rainbow scarf. 

 

DG Bracey is a shadow-chaser, sand-scribbler and freelancer from the Carolina coast. He has published both short stories and articles in various magazines and periodicals. Recently he finished his first novel. But most days, he just watches the shadows and scribbles in the sand.

 

D. G. Bracey
D. G. Bracey is a shadow-chaser, sand-scribbler and freelancer from the Carolina coast. He has published both short stories and articles in various magazines and periodicals. Recently he finished his first novel. But most days, he just watches the shadows and scribbles in the sand.

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